Freedom of Science

My new discovery that physics is a physical system of puns is getting truer and truer every day. In this article on Hubble’s Law Doctor Carroll of Cosmic Variance plays on the old pun between the universe and cosmos.

Since the secret brotherhood in charge of corrupting languages has corrupted cosmos long time ago we need to clarify its meaning.

Cosmos refers to an anthropocentric truncation of the whole. Since the beginning of history doctors of cosmology have been truncating the universe to fit into their current doctrines and marketing it to humanity as the entire universe.

In this age of multiverse the corruption of language is so total that nothing meaningful can be said about the universe, cosmos or similar words used by physicists.

But we can try. Cosmos is a system that is assumed to be knowable in its entirety by the current technology of doctors of philosophy. In scholasticism cosmos is always the same as the entire universe by definition. This coincidence is built into nature. It turns out that the universe is always exactly only as complicated as practicing doctors could understand it.

The next generation of doctors come with more powerful observational tools, and lo and behold, the universe becomes just enough complicated so that doctors can again know it with their current tools.

Same thing happens with the next generation.

Theoretical doctors led by Einstein discovered that not only the universe always matches their observational tools but it turns out that the universe exactly matches the latest mathematical gimmick taught in physics departments. This is so amazing. Nature is not only anthropocentric, anthropic, and anthropological but it is also academic.

Nature knows the number of PhDs issued, say, on string theory and it becomes stringy. As the PhDs issued in Loop Quantum Gravity increases the universe will become loopy. Not only god wrote the universe in the language learned by physicists at any given semester but god wrote the universe in multiple copies so that there is a spare universe for each rival physics department around the globe. This way every high learning institution around the globe can claim to have discovered the ultimate secrets of the universe every cosmological season. God does not play dice, god plays nice with physicists.

And of course puns play a pundamental role in cosmology. Cosmology is even more punful than physics.

In this article Doctor Carroll gives a good example of pundamental pun of pun-cosmology. Hubble measures velocities of some galaxies and before you know it doctors of pun claim to have observed the beginning of time.

You can never know when a doctor means cosmos and when he means universe and when he puns for multiverse.

Doctor Carroll writes that “the universe is expanding.” Like all corrupt doctors of philosophy before him Doctor Carroll defined a cosmos and is selling it as the entire universe.

“The universe is expanding,” Doctor Carroll writes and then puns it with cosmos: “This discovery marks a seismic shift in how we think about the cosmos.”

You see how the pun works. You see how doctors of philosophy corrupt human mind by selling their sick puns as science.

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